Trimming the Fat

The guest list is a huge part of planning your wedding! You want to incorporate everyone! But if you have a budget of $10,000 for your wedding, it's going to be really really difficult to try to keep each head to under $40 a person. (Yikes!) So deciding on the type of wedding you prefer (small intimate gathering or the biggest party imaginable) will determine where or how many people you have. If you want to have your reception at your favorite restaurant, you won't want to have a huge guest list, since you don't want your guests to have to sit on each others laps, or if you have your eye on a grand ballroom, you need enough people to fill all that space so it looks full! So where do you start??

First you are going to need to figure out where your family fits in your guest list process. Typically, each family will be inviting half the guests, but chances are you don't live in the same time you used to so you will have a list of friends of your own to invite. You may want to split up the guest list in thirds, each family gets a third and you and your spouse will take the other third. In some cases, you could have a ginormous family that them alone can fill an entire football stadium. If you do have a large family you will need to take a real hard look and decide if you really need to invite all of your second and third cousins or even family you haven't seen in years?

You can also make a list of must-have guests and see how many slots are left and go from there. You may not want to have kids come, if that's the case you can address the inner and outer envelope and invitation just with the parents names. Never put "No Children" anywhere as that is impolite. Sometimes it is difficult to exclude all children so you can set an age limit, or just invite the children of your immediate family or members of your wedding party. You can talk to your family about your concerns and your reasons i.e. cost and space, and ask them to spread the word.

Another sixty four dollar question may be to invite out-of-towners or coworkers or dates. Do you invite out-of-towners you know won't show? You don't want them just to think you are inviting them for a wedding gift, but if you don't invite them will they be upset and feel snubbed? One solution is to send them a wedding announcement instead of an invitation. In the case of really close friends, even if they live across the country or on another continent is to send them an invitation, but don't be surprised if they decide to make the trek. As for dates and co workers... for your wedding party, dates may be an exception, or if you know the significant other of that person. If you invite your cousin who has a boyfriend or girlfriend whom you've never met, you may need to exclude them from your guest list. You can explain to your family and friends your concerns and the price, but the only way restrictions will work is if you stick to your decision. If you make any exceptions, you could threaten endanger the bad feelings you were hoping to avoid in the first place.

Another way to cover the list is to be honest about your friendships, like if you haven't talked to a pal for more than 2 years. Chances are you are not the only one who is feeling pressure. Your parents or his parents may try to use your wedding to repay for the weddings they have attended. If your parents are paying, then you may need to accomodate their wants and needs. If you and your fiance are paying, you should feel significantly less guilty about not accomodating their specific needs.

Once you've finished deciding who is going on the guest list and who isn't, you should enter your name to a file on your computer in alphabetical order and to a non-electronic wedding planner. (Invest in one, they are fabulous!) Include each person's mailing address, phone number, email address and his or her relationship to the bride or groom. Make columns that state their RSVP, possible dates if you decide to have dates, a brief description of any gifts received and the date the thank you cards were mailed out!